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Tips and tricks: Men, you need to initiate. That’s just the way it is.

Today is the last day that our August poll will be on the site’s front page. After running for 31 days, right now the poll results are:

  • No, I prefer that men initiate (41%, 39 Votes)
  • Either way is fine (39%, 37 Votes)
  • Yes, I prefer that women initiate (13%, 12 Votes)
  • Yes, men should generally never initiate (4%, 4 Votes)
  • No, women should generally never initiate (2%, 2 Votes)
  • Yes, if his profile specifically invites it (1%, 1 Votes)
  • No, I send Icebreakers instead (1%, 1 Votes)

So the conclusions, as of today are,

  • … despite that we live in a gender-liberated society, our readers prefer that the guy sends the first communication.
  • … a guy who has an attractive profile or photo still ought to send the first communication. This is even if he specifically invites his matches to initiate.
  • … a gentleman who waits for interested ladies to start communication places himself in a Mexican standoff.
  • … almost nobody cares about Icebreakers.

What do you think of these results?

The “Either way is fine” poll option gained a 100% lead during the first half of the month, then “I prefer that men initiate” gained the lead.

Thank you all for participating, and we hope you vote on the September poll that will start tomorrow.

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Comments 5

  1. Scott Grey wrote:

    Yeah, this is consistent with my experience.

    Really, why should confident guys NOT initiate?

    Posted 01 Sep 2008 at 5:54 am
  2. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    I had two women initiate before I could during FCW. That was a welcome surprise for a change but far from the norm.

    Posted 03 Sep 2008 at 9:42 am
  3. Tiffany wrote:

    Hey Everyone! I’m going to be honest. As a women in my mid twenties, I treat EH as I would any other day to day interaction. Meaning, I don’t approach men or initiate first contact with them in day to day life, and over the world wide web should be no different.

    Just because we are on an internet dating site, doesn’t change the facts that men pursue women. I know, some ladies may not agree and say it’s the 21st century blah blah..

    BUT in the beginning when I saw an attractive match I was interested in, I would send the 1st questions and everything would be fine up until MH & CS’s and they’d close the match abruptly. The thing now is I just wait, because even though I see many I like, within a few days, some of those very same matches, close our connection without even contacting me.

    This means had I contacted them 1st they would have shut me down. It saves me embarrassment. Ladies, it also saves time. When you let the man intimate 1st contact, you are sure he is at least interested in getting to know you, and it takes the guess work out of things.

    MEN! As long as the match is still open, even though you haven’t heard anything from the woman, that is a good sign, because she’s waiting for you to contact her. If she wasn’t she would have closed the match.

    thoughts?

    Posted 14 Nov 2009 at 1:00 am
  4. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    Tiffany,

    As a male, I think “the standard” of the guy goes first is complete and utter nonsense. I don’t know who came up with it but it is just a bad idea. Period. I have started to write an article on the subject but it isn’t quite done yet.

    Embarrassment? Are you serious? It is online dating. How much lower stakes can you get?

    See, what happened here is that you got just a teensy, microscopic taste of what it is like to be a male for “a day”. It sent you reeling, eh? It sucks, doesn’t it? That was just ONE rejection. Imagine how we feel after oh, YEARS of dealing with doing all the initiating and constantly getting rejected many times a day.

    Get used to getting closed for no apparent reason. While you are at it, getting to OC and then a date isn’t going to mean that things are going to work out, either. That’s one the major flaws I see in the “system” is all the time you invest online only to have go through it all over again in the real world.

    “As long as the match is still open…”
    Wrong-O. I’ve had matches look at me, leave it open, I initiate, then they close me for the usual “other” or “whatever” reasons.

    “When you let the man intimate 1st contact, you are sure he is at least interested in getting to know you”
    Wrong again. See above. It is just as likely that he is only slightly interested and that it may not go to OC or even to a first date.

    The few of you ladies that take some initiative will be the ones landing the choice men.

    Posted 14 Nov 2009 at 10:37 pm
  5. Tiffany wrote:

    @SingleGuyInNC

    I’m not sure who came up with that either, and while I wish it were different, it seems that things still remain the same. LOL at “how much lower stakes can you get”! I see your point, there is a lot of pressure on men to make the first move and they experience rejection probably more often and on a larger scale than women! I have had matches close for different reasons, and at first I took it personally… now I don’t.
    I look at it as a favor. They are clearing the way for Mr. right. I’m a fabulous, intelligent and attractive woman, but that doesn’t mean every guy in the world wants me (and that’s fine). Maybe they didn’t like something I said in my profile, maybe I’m not their “type” whatever ya know? My e-harmony experience thus far has been lackluster.

    I feel that the questions they have for your profile, don’t really give you the opportunity to display you’re personality. So people have to read the answers you give, check out your pics and go from there. I have no problems attracting men, but I wanted to try something different, in hopes the guys on eh, would be more serious and relationship minded. I have a guy who viewed my profile a couple of days ago and I’m (patiently waiting) hoping for his contact. He is attractive and has a pretty decent profile) (yet, thanks to eh he may not even be a subscriber) I want to contact him (I really do.. he is hot) but digress, because the man pursues the woman and that’s final.

    Could I be missing out on a great guy and others? Possibly… he may be waiting to see if I contact him first, but that just goes back to the whole Mexican standoff theory, someone has to make the first move.

    I am traditional in that way, a man needs to stand up and be just that. Show interest and take initiative.

    Posted 16 Nov 2009 at 5:07 pm

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