Here is the eHarmony Troubleshooter: How to fix what’s wrong with your eHarmony experience or membership:
| Symptoms | Possible solutions |
|---|---|
| I don’t get matches | Above all things your age, gender and geography (the 3 Gs) determine how many matches you ultimately will ever receive. Read this blog’s Match Settings page for a set of tricks. |
| The matches I get are missing answers or photos | This actually happens very frequently. Do you remember at the time you registered? Didn’t you receive matches before you got to complete your profile or upload photos or decide on a subscription? Now it’s your turn to be sent to new registrants. a. Give them time to do it. b. Send an IceBreaker or Photo Nudge to motivate them. |
| I want only profiles with photos | Unfortunately this is not technically possible. eHarmony is designed to send matches, not as a search engine. For example, if I have a photo and I got matched with you today, but I decided to remove my photo from the site this afternoon, do you want me to disappear from your match list, and then reappear a week later when I have uploaded photos again? That would be confusing. |
| My matches are really bad; Any suggestions? | A suggestion? It’s human nature to want what we can’t have or be attracted to those who will do us no good. Your matches may be off-the-chart of whom you usually find attractive — but the key is to have an open mind and an open heart. |
| My matches are really really bad | You can retake the test. For example, you may have inadvertedly given the site the impression that you’re a bible banger, looking for fundies. I know how that feels! It may be best to start all over. |
| My matches are too short | Close those matches; there’s nothing else you can do. The matchmaking algorithm doesn’t match on height, and the Match Flexibility setting is just a survey. Unfortunately, you just have more work to do. They apologize for the inconvenience. |
| My matches are too far, don’t match my Match Settings | Check your Match Flexibility settings. Anything less than the rightmost “Very Important” makes you fair game. Also, Match Settings changes take 3 full days to take effect. |
| My matches don’t view my profile / don’t do anything | Site traffic is seasonal: eHarmony is most busy before Valentines and is least busy in the summer and during the year-end holidays. The best thing to do now is view them and initiate communication.
And, before you say “fraud” or “scam”, you have to realize that eHarmony never promised anybody more than 12 matches a year and never promised anybody that matches will respond. Nonetheless, if you DO file a complaint somewhere, please let us know the details so we can publish the news. After all, many people just give empty threats.
One more thing: Other dating sites, free or paid, are also full of non-responding members. |
| My matches close me immediately | a. Get better photos, ASAP. b. Sanitize your profile. c. Post your profile in this blog for critique. |
| The matches I like view my profile but don’t initiate | My goodness, initiate! Honestly, dear, most people love receiving requests for communication. |
| My matches don’t respond to my first set of questions / My matches close me after I send my first set of questions | a. Get better photos. b. Sanitize your profile. c. Post your profile here for critique. d. Ask more unobjectionable questions. |
| My matches close me after I answer their first questions / send my Must Have Can’t Stands / send my answer to their second questions. | It’s part of the weeding process. a. Focus your attention on your other matches. b. Post your answers or lists here in this blog for critique. |
| My matches close me after I send my second set of questions | a. Ask more unobjectionable questions. b. Post your questions here in this blog for critique. |
| A week has passed and my match hasn’t replied. | See the results of this survey. |
| My matches get stuck before sending the first message in Open Communication | This happens frequently, actually. The first message in OC is the first “unguided” message that the initiator has to send. Especially for people new to online dating, writing this can be outright scary.
Pose a “hook” within your answers to the second set of questions. That is, give them something to write back to you about (and right away!). |
| My matches get stuck at answering my first message in Open Communication | Your first message screwed it up. Okay, there are countless styles for sending initial messages: Sometimes short messages work, and sometimes long introductions are better. I’m for keeping it short. I recommend three components: (a) appreciate that you two finished the process. (b) say you look forward to talking with your match on the phone (c) ask one more open-ended question of the same calibre as the last three you sent. |
| My matches are stuck at Open Communication / Communication isn’t moving forward / I can’t get phone numbers / They aren’t asking for my number | Rule of thumb: Once you establish mutual attraction, move to the phone. Once you establish mutual comfort, move to a meeting.
In other words, (a) you aren’t creating enough intrigue and attraction, (b) you are jumping too early to the ‘comfort’ stage. See the results our two polls “Ready to speak on the phone?” part 1 and part 2 |
Got more troubles? Post them in the comments area:
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