“If I had a bad day, what is the first thing you would do for me?”

This is one of the canned 1st questions in eHarmony. The pre-set choices are: cook you dinner, rub your shoulders, talk to you about your day, take you out on the town.

This is my answer:

I know how to be really sweet you’ll forget how bad your day was.

The trick to this question is not to give a specific mate-pleaser. After all, we know nothing about the match to give a correct specific answer. There are cook-your-dinner-type of women, rub-your-shoulders-type of guys and take-you-out-on-the-town ladies. There’s even a leave-me-alone-while-I-sort-this-out-myself group. In this case, it pays to be vague.

[Update: See Allan's answer below.]

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Comments 9

Alan wrote:
This is how I’ve been responding to this question.

I would do whatever would help you relax. No two people are alike so no pat answer will work.
Posted 11 Sep 2006 at 8:25 am ¶
anon wrote:
Actually, that question puts me off. Here we don’t even know each other yet, and the question is “what are YOU gonna do for ME?” Same thing with the “what do you have to offer” question. I don’t shut the person out, but it doesn’t make a good first impression.
Posted 04 Apr 2008 at 5:29 am ¶
kriebly wrote:
Heh,

You could give them this kind of fill-in response:

What would I do for you? Excuse me? Most of my days are bad. What are _you_ going to be doing for _me_?
Posted 04 Apr 2008 at 8:30 am ¶
anon wrote:
Maybe it’s the influence of shows like The bachelor (that’s the one with the rose, right?), and others like that. Certainly a red flag in terms of mature relationships.
Posted 04 Apr 2008 at 9:31 am ¶
Lilly wrote:
I agree with both of Anon’s posts.
Thankfully no one has asked me this yet– it just feels icky.
Posted 07 Apr 2008 at 7:25 pm ¶
E wrote:
I totally agree this question is terrible. I just got asked it, and quite frankly I’m tempted to close communication. First of all, how is someone going to initiate communication and then immediately ask what I’m going to do for him? Secondly, how am I supposed to know what you like, especially when you’re profile is as nondescript as possible? Ugh.
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 10:57 pm ¶
Fibrochick wrote:
I think using this question can make sense. It’s kind of like a test to see if “your match” paid attention to or took the time to read your introductory information.
Posted 17 Jan 2010 at 3:06 pm ¶
Chriso wrote:
This question to me is a real turn off. Right out of the gate you have someone asking what are you going to do for me … how are you going to serve my needs! There is no consideration of your needs … it is all about me. It seems very self centered, needy and demanding.

When you first start to date someone the focus should be trying to impress the other person and showing what you have to offer … not asking what do you have to offer me. This to me smells of a very high maintenance woman! Who wants that!
Posted 29 Jan 2010 at 4:27 am ¶
bonfiredancer wrote:
I can see how this message could be an instant turn-off as described here, but also – it does show if someone is paying attention to that person’s profile and give insight on how they answer, especially if they write their own answer. I think it’s too soon to tell if that person who asked is going to be self-centered. But maybe someone can do a study and find out (haha
Posted 04 Apr 2010 at 10:29 pm ¶

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