On the phone or face-to-face it’s easy to say, “hello – what have you been up to?” Interaction is immediate. If you’re boring someone, you can tell. If your friend is stumbling in answering your question, you can tell.
In eHarmony’s Guided Communication, like a serious chess game, once you’ve clicked «Send» there’s no taking it back — You must wait for the reply or wait a week to send a reminder (a nudge).
Frankly, I think this is terrible and takes a bit to get used to. So, as a tip, before we click «Send» let’s ask ourselves:
Did I put a hook for the next step?
Always, ALWAYS, ask a question or two within your answers to the open-ended 2nd questions and within the Open Communication exchanges. Questions give your matches something to do, rather than analyse your answer to bits and judge you and close the communication off.
This is more crucial if you initiated the communication. If you initiated it, your match answers open-ended questions before you do. When it’s your turn to answer the open-ended questions, ALWAYS ask follow-up questions to her earlier answers or her information in her profile. Ask something they’ll find exciting to share and your match will get back to you right away. It’s the cure to eHarmony Waiting Hell.
More importantly, it takes out the dread of having nothing to say on her first Open Communication message to you. Believe us, that “Write New Message” step can be frightening! More so right after reading those warnings from the doctor.
Hooky questions
Ask simple: “You said you like movies on Saturday nights, what have you seen lately?” Ask complex: “Has your parents’ relationship always been this way or has it grown through the years?” Ask away!
I often review my match’s About Me page looking for something to pique my curiosity. The canned 2nd question list has many provocative questions, too.
Compliments and appreciation also help. Thank your match for replying. Say you enjoyed answering the questions. Initiate chemistry.
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