Dear eHarmony:
Here’s an idea. In some instances, you do not have any initial matches to give your new registrants. Or just two matches. That’s fine and dandy because you know you can find more the next day or the next few days… but the new registrant doesn’t know this. When a registrant finishes your exhausting questionnaire, this is what he or she sees.
The poor fellow gets excited by the big “Check Out Your Matches” heading and clicks the big “View Your Matches” link and sees this
I can bet you three things are on his or her mind:
- What the hell? Over “20 million members” and they have nobody for me.
- I fuckin spent three fuckin hours to fuckin answer their fuckin questionnaire and not one fuckin girl is fuckin compatible with me. WTF?
- eHarmony thinks I’m unmatchable and damned to die alone. Goddamn bigots.
and then he or she will go and post these thoughts on blogs, facebook, twitter, forums, and tells this to everyone.
When you send him or her matches next morning, do you think he or she will retract what he or she just said? What, are you mental? When’s the last time YOU retracted what you said?!
It’s wrong information spreading ill will to everyone, particularly to those who could be your future satisfied customers.
This awful “viral” experience is easily avoided with a little bit of text on these two screens; no programming required.
Starting today, we will be automatically searching for new matches for you. Several thousand people join eHarmony each day and our matching system evaluates each one of them within 24 hours to see if they are a great match for you.
No new matches to review right now; We will notify you via email when matches are found or you can check your My Matches page whenever you like.
I didn’t even compose this text; It’s been in your “not able to find any new matches for you right now” screen for the past nine years.
Do this for yourself and we’ll all have more peaceful lives. I swear you’ll have more sales.
Love,
eHarmony Blog
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