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RE: From artofapproaching.com: eHarmony Review: A Man’s Perspective

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To my post last week, Joseph Matthews replies:

If by “wrong website,” the blogger means “Website where it’s really, really hard to meet a good girl, — then he/she’s probably right.

I don’t believe the site is for “charming dudes.” I believe the site is not for ANY dudes. At all. Most men (ie: Those who aren’t male models who are looking to hook up with a hot chick) would have better luck on other dating sites. eHarmony has a HUGE repository of unattractive women, and their clunky communication process makes it very hard to interest any girls you might find interesting on there.

If eHarmoney was a free site, it would be one thing. But it isn’t! It’s a pay site. So you’re spending hard earned money to meet butt-ugly women (for the most part). I’m not saying eHarmoney won’t work for guys. I’m sure there is some measure of success there. However, being quite an average looking guy myself, I can go on 4-5 dates with women from Match.com and Yahoo Personals in the time it takes for me to be ALLOWED to email 1 chick from eHarmony.

Dating’s a number’s game, and eHarmony is rigged to favor the women. So the blogger above is right, the site is DEFINITELY not for me.

Oh don’t get me wrong. I agree with your opinion of the site. Take it from me, they made it so drawn out it tested my patience numerous times. The thing is, Match and Y!P can find you dates, but eH can find you a marital partner. Men (and women) who join it are spending hard-earned money to meet butt-ugly women (and men) (for the most part) who will love them as they are and be their lifelong companion. For instance, these two people aren’t exactly “hot” based on “magazines” standards.

I’m sorry to say that eHarmony’s structure counteracts many of the techniques you offer on your site. A guy reader of mine shared a technique, but lo, I think male eH members need more.

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Comments 3

  1. Julie wrote:

    For a site that claims to match people based on deeper compatibility, why is it that you can’t see photos of people unless you give them a fee? Seems to me that they know attactiveness is a selling point, and make money off it.

    I have been given the “closed match” because I didn’t provide a photo. I’m not “butt ugly” either, as one bloggers posts. I am actually quite pretty, and didn’t put my photo on there so I wouldn’t get stalkers.

    Posted 28 Feb 2008 at 5:43 pm
  2. SingleGuyInNC wrote:

    It’s a tough balance, to post a picture or not. I originally went with the keep it hidden option, let the women see my personality (and I’m by no means unattractive) but that it didn’t work for me. I also value my privacy and having a somewhat rare name, didn’t want the possibility of the stalker aspect, as you mention.

    1) I just didn’t get enough matches/responses for that to be effective. I had this rather vivid imagination that signing up for the site would inundate me with women vying to get to know me. The reality is far from that vision (for me, at least).

    2) I figured I would just show my picture up front, use it as an asset (one would hope) to get more communications and to go ahead and let folks decide based on appearance early on in the process.

    As for the stalker aspect, eHarmony is not a public site like Match.com or Craigslist, so I think there is less of a possibility of that, if it will put your mind at ease.

    As for the guys closing you out without a picture, that’s their loss and if you are truly looking for a partner and not a “date”, they probably weren’t right for you anyhow. I still give all the women I am matched with the benefit of the doubt and a few who have been shy and not willing to share their photo up front, were in fact very attractive and worth the effort.

    I think that the no-photos shown to non-paying members is a vestige from the site’s original deployment, where I think that there weren’t photos or they were reserved for very late in the communication process.

    They probably would get some more subscribers if they showed photos to non-paying members.

    Posted 02 Mar 2008 at 12:02 pm
  3. Tiffany wrote:

    Wow as an attractive woman I am very offended with the “unattractive and butt-ugly comments” not because I fall into that category, but because I am sure there are many beautiful women on EH and not every woman who joins the site is ugly.
    Then again, the way the site is set up as a woman I will only see men and not other women. BUT I am almost positive that like myself there are many gorgeous girls to pick from!
    Not sure what idiotic bone head of an as*hole wrote that article, but if he was so damn handsome he wouldn’t need to use match, yahoo, EH or any other dating site. Now before readers go commenting my opinion, I have said this in many of my other posts. I am not ugly, or desperate. I am an attractive, college educated woman in her mid 20’s, who’s over the bar scene and the conventional way of meeting. I meet men every day, and go out on dates with them, but I looked to EH in search of a guy who is relationship minded, and looking to start something long term. I am moving to the next stage in my life, and tired of the immature, or game players I meet. Not to say they won’t be on EH, but it seems less likely.

    On behalf of all women, I am a little sick of men in society. demanding that women be a certain height, weight, right off the runway etc. when they aren’t even handsome. I probably wouldn’t BLINK at the guy who wrote about ugly women on EH, even though he claims to look so good. AND guess what, even if he is handsome, his personality sucks. He is too judge mental! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and some woman you might not like, another guy may love!

    I have 5 pictures of myself posted, and figure why not have it available right away. Until this blog, I didn’t even realize there was a feature to not have your pics available until a certain time during the communication process.

    How is everyone doing with FCW more matches, more hassle? or going to wait it out until the wkdn is over?
    Tiff

    Posted 20 Nov 2009 at 10:32 am

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