RE: From artofapproaching.com: eHarmony Review: A Man’s Perspective

To my post last week, Joseph Matthews replies:

If by “wrong website,” the blogger means “Website where it’s really, really hard to meet a good girl, — then he/she’s probably right.

I don’t believe the site is for “charming dudes.” I believe the site is not for ANY dudes. At all. Most men (ie: Those who aren’t male models who are looking to hook up with a hot chick) would have better luck on other dating sites. eHarmony has a HUGE repository of unattractive women, and their clunky communication process makes it very hard to interest any girls you might find interesting on there.

If eHarmoney was a free site, it would be one thing. But it isn’t! It’s a pay site. So you’re spending hard earned money to meet butt-ugly women (for the most part). I’m not saying eHarmoney won’t work for guys. I’m sure there is some measure of success there. However, being quite an average looking guy myself, I can go on 4-5 dates with women from Match.com and Yahoo Personals in the time it takes for me to be ALLOWED to email 1 chick from eHarmony.

Dating’s a number’s game, and eHarmony is rigged to favor the women. So the blogger above is right, the site is DEFINITELY not for me.

Oh don’t get me wrong. I agree with your opinion of the site. Take it from me, they made it so drawn out it tested my patience numerous times. The thing is, Match and Y!P can find you dates, but eH can find you a marital partner. Men (and women) who join it are spending hard-earned money to meet butt-ugly women (and men) (for the most part) who will love them as they are and be their lifelong companion. For instance, these two people aren’t exactly “hot” based on “magazines” standards.

I’m sorry to say that eHarmony’s structure counteracts many of the techniques you offer on your site. A guy reader of mine shared a technique, but lo, I think male eH members need more.

What others are reading right now

“If I had a bad day, what is the first thing you would do for me?” 3 seconds ago
“This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)” — All about eHarmony’s theme song 7 seconds ago
RE: From artofapproaching.com: eHarmony Review: A Man’s Perspective 13 seconds ago
eHarmony rejects people below 21 20 21 seconds ago
Minor Matching: For the young and young at heart 38 seconds ago

Comments 8

Julie wrote:
For a site that claims to match people based on deeper compatibility, why is it that you can’t see photos of people unless you give them a fee? Seems to me that they know attactiveness is a selling point, and make money off it.

I have been given the “closed match” because I didn’t provide a photo. I’m not “butt ugly” either, as one bloggers posts. I am actually quite pretty, and didn’t put my photo on there so I wouldn’t get stalkers.
Posted 28 Feb 2008 at 5:43 pm ¶
SingleGuyInNC wrote:
It’s a tough balance, to post a picture or not. I originally went with the keep it hidden option, let the women see my personality (and I’m by no means unattractive) but that it didn’t work for me. I also value my privacy and having a somewhat rare name, didn’t want the possibility of the stalker aspect, as you mention.

1) I just didn’t get enough matches/responses for that to be effective. I had this rather vivid imagination that signing up for the site would inundate me with women vying to get to know me. The reality is far from that vision (for me, at least).

2) I figured I would just show my picture up front, use it as an asset (one would hope) to get more communications and to go ahead and let folks decide based on appearance early on in the process.

As for the stalker aspect, eHarmony is not a public site like Match.com or Craigslist, so I think there is less of a possibility of that, if it will put your mind at ease.

As for the guys closing you out without a picture, that’s their loss and if you are truly looking for a partner and not a “date”, they probably weren’t right for you anyhow. I still give all the women I am matched with the benefit of the doubt and a few who have been shy and not willing to share their photo up front, were in fact very attractive and worth the effort.

I think that the no-photos shown to non-paying members is a vestige from the site’s original deployment, where I think that there weren’t photos or they were reserved for very late in the communication process.

They probably would get some more subscribers if they showed photos to non-paying members.
Posted 02 Mar 2008 at 12:02 pm ¶
Tiffany wrote:
Wow as an attractive woman I am very offended with the “unattractive and butt-ugly comments” not because I fall into that category, but because I am sure there are many beautiful women on EH and not every woman who joins the site is ugly.
Then again, the way the site is set up as a woman I will only see men and not other women. BUT I am almost positive that like myself there are many gorgeous girls to pick from!
Not sure what idiotic bone head of an as*hole wrote that article, but if he was so damn handsome he wouldn’t need to use match, yahoo, EH or any other dating site. Now before readers go commenting my opinion, I have said this in many of my other posts. I am not ugly, or desperate. I am an attractive, college educated woman in her mid 20’s, who’s over the bar scene and the conventional way of meeting. I meet men every day, and go out on dates with them, but I looked to EH in search of a guy who is relationship minded, and looking to start something long term. I am moving to the next stage in my life, and tired of the immature, or game players I meet. Not to say they won’t be on EH, but it seems less likely.

On behalf of all women, I am a little sick of men in society. demanding that women be a certain height, weight, right off the runway etc. when they aren’t even handsome. I probably wouldn’t BLINK at the guy who wrote about ugly women on EH, even though he claims to look so good. AND guess what, even if he is handsome, his personality sucks. He is too judge mental! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and some woman you might not like, another guy may love!

I have 5 pictures of myself posted, and figure why not have it available right away. Until this blog, I didn’t even realize there was a feature to not have your pics available until a certain time during the communication process.

How is everyone doing with FCW more matches, more hassle? or going to wait it out until the wkdn is over?
Tiff
Posted 20 Nov 2009 at 10:32 am ¶
maxwell wrote:
I have tried all the sites. I have to agree. Compared to all the rest, EH has to most attractively challenged women.
Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 10:40 am ¶
April wrote:
Wow…it’s funny to me that people would be saying eharmony is full of ugly women, when the pictures on THIS site, of couples who met through eharmony, usually strike me as being more attractive women with less attractive men!

And SingleGuyinNC….I always enjoy your posts. You are sensible and sane. I hope you finally do find Ms. Right!
Posted 28 Jan 2010 at 7:42 pm ¶
Jeff wrote:
I was on Eharmony for a little over two years and had the same experiences as the author.

I had just come out of a 10 year marriage and was trying to get out there and meet someone that was kind, honest and attractive. I suppose this was asking for a lot but what the heck. Of all the sites, Eharmony seemed to be the most genuine and offered a great line of bs. “29 dimensions” Wow! Sounded great.

I had several dates(fortunate by most other’s experiences) and all they amounted to was disappointment. Mostly overweight weirdos and money hounds. Their age range was 30-40. They looked nothing like their pictures and often lied about their ages.

The best one was a 38 year old corporate trainer (yep! Did not resemble the pics) with a wandering eye that had never had a relationship beyond two months. Turned out she was being treated for bipolar disorder. Hmm. Nice. Thanks E!

They all had one thing in common. They loved to eat and drink! Guess that is what my “profile” attracted!

I know. I know. You are probably saying why did you stay on so long. At first I thought I would try it for a year but when I saw the potential for a book, I decided to stay on for another to get more material. Working on it now! Thanks E!

I have been off for a couple of months and have already met a wonderful gal and we are having a great time.

Guys, unless you want to write a book don’t waste your time with online dating! Get out there and find someone your are genuinely attracted to and go for it.

Online dating is a waste of valuable time.
Posted 02 Feb 2010 at 10:37 am ¶
e-ripping_me_off wrote:
Tiffany and April, don’t be offended by the comments in the article, you’re taking it the wrong way. It comes from frustration with many guys’ experiences with the site. In actuality I came across this site because I was googling to find out if I was the only one having problems getting attractive matches. I’ve been paying for this service for 2 years and in the original questionnaire, they ask you to rate yourself, and rate how attractive your matches should be (works both ways, for girls as well). It also asks you how important that factor is. I’d say that if the majority of guys are expressing it, it’s something to be concerned about. I’m sure you are both extremely lovely, but unfortunately people with your attributes RARELY (maybe 1%) show up in my matches. I’m not even being overly picky here. I think we all have a right to value attractiveness, particularly when it’s right off the bat and especially when you put it down as high on your criteria list. Maybe the terms were a bit hyperbolic, but trust me, e-harmony seems to be geared towards people who don’t care much for looks. I’m in my mid twenties, since we’re all being candid, am considered attractive and I would love to find someone with a great personality, but looks (and I’m being liberal here, the OP was kind of spot on about the “repository” at least on my account) DO matter to some people. I also don’t think any of the success stories have really had attractive couples either. Maybe that’s the problem. Good looking people tend to just hook up in the “real world”. I’m just completely averse to picking up someone at a club and I live in a city where it’s very hard to meet new people.

I also think, while someone should like you for your personality, there’s a good chance the first thought someone has when they see “no picture” is that the person is…well…not proud of their physical attributes even though this assertion may be totally untrue. I say put your picture there, if someone harasses you, close match. I would also like someone to want to contact me due to my personality (which really doesn’t even come across that well on the profiles), but somehow I got this idea that e-harmony was trying to match compatible people. Biologically speaking, that for the most part includes attractiveness.
Posted 14 Feb 2010 at 1:32 am ¶
annomous1 wrote:
I do not think that any dating organization as I have written before can handle all of the variables of pleasing a diverse dating group. Some couples don’t date they get right at it. Finally, I must say I am turned off a little by the emphasis on looks. But what do you expect in a society who values looks, youth, wealth and people who are slender. For those of you who think you are exceptional looking maybe you should try to get on the Bachelor or Bachlorette program. Again eHarmony personality does not cover all the variables.
Posted 14 Feb 2010 at 11:20 am ¶

eHarmony Blog

Start a new discussion »