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During my six-month eHarmony stint, I received the fortune of four attractive women initiating communication with me. I must have done something right in my About Me page. Hey it felt great. I felt thrilled. Like a normal guy, I responded and tried going through the motions of Guided Communication with these four attractive women, even if some showed signs of qualities I dislike. Hey I was a normal guy.

What did I learn about responding to beautiful matches?

Taking photos of yourself? Ain’t got any pal to help you out, eh?

First thing, attractive photos on a female profile generate TONS of responses — from the college student, from the writer, from the admin clerk, from the real estate developer, from the lawyer, from the statesman — from every guy with a pulse, i.e., an eHarmony subscription. Women, you will be surprised what a bit of diffused lighting will do, and how professionally-made outdoor photography pays for itself.

In this discussion, it’s necessary to ASSUME that the woman in the photo is the one sending and receiving responses. We have to, because there are many cases of proxy online dating and, hmm, outright lying. OK?

Desperate? Her?

I’ve learned in eHarmony Cracked that successfully communicating with beautiful women requires a style different from communicating with homely women. Be yourself, yes, but you must rise above the rest. One’s responses must be

• assertive (e.g., take the lead)
• unapologetic (e.g., no “how do you feel about younger men?”)
• challenging (e.g., she must earn your attention)
• denying her the benefit of her looks (e.g., no shallow compliments)

Why? Because all her life, she’s been approached by diffident, apologetic, generous and bewitched men. Are you another one?

“Don’t even TRY to enter her frame. That’s what everyone else does. Don’t let her looks give her a free pass into your world.” — Scott of eHarmony Cracked

“At a strategic level this is the most important bit of advice I can offer: Do not play it safe – that will kill you.” — another guy

These four principles preclude the use of most of the canned Phase 1 and Phase 2 questions. Because of the immense competition, beautiful women require different treatment, and, yes, more work.

Up for the challenge?

I am. That’s why I’m visiting these eHarmony Blogs and groups — to hone my craft. Most of my stock answers got a complete rewrite and produced much better results, and more dates.

War advice

Want some war advice, from an amateur like me? Okay. To give you your money’s worth, here I believe are the hardest lessons I learned.

1. Beautiful women receive a handful of communication requests daily. The most beautiful of them click-pick answers to the first questions.
2. The fill-in-the-blank answers to her first questions is your FIRST opportunity to catch her attention. Again, be assertive, unapologetic, challenging and deny her the benefit of her looks.
3. The fill-in-the-blank 2nd questions is your SECOND opportunity to catch her attention. Questions that require much soul-searching tend to be unanswered, because of the immense competition. Chit-chat questions aren’t assertive or challenging, either. Mention something about you that’s assertive, unapologetic and challenging. Pick a stock question as your third question.
4. Your open-ended answers is your THIRD opportunity. NEVER PLAY IT SAFE. NEVER mention her or her beauty in your answer. NEVER give her an answer that any woman expects to hear. Be a catch, be assertive. If you’re stuck, go for humor.
5. Beautiful women may have emotional scars, but these women are USED to men surrounding them. So, in OC, take the freaking lead. NEVER suggest more email exchanges. NEVER long essay responses. NEVER dump too many questions in one message.
6. Any hint that she’d like to talk with you, move to the phone, dammit! All beautiful women have cellphones. If she won’t give you her number, it means you messed it up a few steps ago. Retrace it to see the mess is recoverable. If it isn’t, then leave with dignity.

Treat people with respect

I must add a reminder about what a guy is truly after: companionship, intimacy and love. What I wrote may sound intriguing and challenging, but my final advice is: DON’T BE SIDETRACKED by the thrill of the chase. Please use the advice to improve your chances finding that someone special.

“Women do like a guy who is confident, well-dressed and knows what he wants and needs in life. If that man is the pick-up artist or the guy-next-door it doesn’t matter. The main thing is to approach who interests you – genuinely. No testing your skills on someone for the sake of practice. Then – Communicate. Be it playful and flirty, or intense and nerdy, each woman is looking for something that strikes a chord with her. Be yourself. Improve your communication skills and you have it made! Genuine emotion will always win out and most women can pick up on that.” –darlene

There, I hope you find my advice useful. Not that I’m an expert in any of this. I’m just saying.

P.S. Out of the four women, I’m seeing one now. The topic of “when you’re dating a beautiful woman,” I guess, would be for later.