eHarmony Blog

You’re paying $20 a month on eHarmony — you probably want to know how the site works and how to use the service most effectively. You probably want to know how matching works, how Must-Haves and Can’t Stands work, what mindset to have when responding to matches, how to enjoy meeting your eHarmony match for the first time, and so forth. Good.

Few people know that the eHarmony.com process comes with user’s guide or a strategy manual. Three of them, actually. If you want a no-hacks ‘classic’ eHarmony experience — that is, use eHarmony as it was fundamentally designed to be — then these three books are required reading.

(When I begun writing this post, I thought, should I post Amazon affiliate links and make a few cents if someone buys from this page, or not? I then said, heck, fuhgeddaboutit!)

Click the “Wikipedia Book sources” link to borrow or order the book from your local library, or local book shop, or free resources like BookCrossing.

Finding the Love of Your Life

by Neil Clark Warren

Book Description: Ten proven principles for choosing the right marriage partner, and seven danger signs to look for while dating.

eHarmony Blog comment: This book presents the core design background of eHarmony’s matching system and guided communication system. Why four phases? Why swap Must Have and Can’t Stand lists? Who came up with the MH/CS choices? As you see on the publication date, Warren wrote this book before the site was even on the drawing board.

Two editions:

Hardcover: 176 pages
Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers (April 1, 1998)
ISBN: 1561790885
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1561790885
Wikipedia Book sources: 1561790885

Paperback: 176 pages
Publisher: Pocket (December 1, 1994)
ISBN: 0671892010
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0671892010
Wikipedia Book sources: 0671892010

This book also had a companion study guide, entitled Finding the Love of Your Life: Study Guide

Paperback: 64 pages
Publisher: Focus on the Family Publishing (April 1, 1998)
ISBN: 1561792276
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1561792276
Wikipedia Book sources: 1561792276

Date or Soul Mate?: How to Know if Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less

by Neil Clark Warren

Book description: He feels a strong attraction to her. She wonders if he could be “the one.” In the glamorous haze of early romantic attraction it’s hard to know whether a relationship will lead to true love-or to a negative or even catastrophic relationship. This book helps men and women who want healthy and satisfying marriages identify the early warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. Dr. Warren shows readers how to hold out for God’s best for their lives instead of settling for the first one to come along and outlines the factors that increase the chances for marital success. For those who want to become wiser in their relationship choices, this practical guide will help them find the love they want and avoid the pain they don’t need.

eHarmony Blog comment: eHarmony matched you two on many levels, but is your match worth pursuing? This book explains what those levels are, and gives tips on those crucial first few dates.

Three editions:

Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Thomas Nelson (September 1, 2005)
ISBN: 078528303X
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/078528303X
Wikipedia Book sources: 078528303X

Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Amazon Remainders Account (April 30, 2002)
ISBN: 0785265392
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0785265392
Wikipedia Book sources: 0785265392

Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons: How to Find Your Soul Mate

by Dr. Neil Clark Warren and Ken Abraham

Amazon Editorial Review: Dr. Neil Clark Warren is the mastermind behind eHarmony.com—an Internet matchmaking service that encourages readers to find “true love” rather than a slew of Saturday night dates. His basic shtick is that “broad-based compatibility” is the glue for making a partnership loving and lasting. Falling in Love offers 29 “dimensions of compatibility” to consider before committing to a romantic relationship. His formula is so, well, formulaic, it threatens to take all the mysticism and romance out of finding a soul mate. That’s fine with Warren, who believes that readers who screen partners for compatibility will fare much better than spirit-struck lovers who base commitments on profound immediate attraction. Read more

eHarmony Blog comment: This book thoroughly explains what the 29 dimensions are and how they work. Which one is the most important? Why 29? Why not height or income? Expect him to be talking about eHarmony a lot. (Note that this book came out before eHarmony Labs, the Premium Personality Profile product and eHarmony Marriage service came out.)

Two editions:

Paperback: 256 pages
Publisher: Center Street (December 13, 2005)
ISBN: 044669388X
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/044669388X
Wikipedia Book sources: 044669388X

Hardcover: 256 pages
Publisher: Center Street (Jan 5 2005)
ISBN: 0446576859
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0446576859
Wikipedia Book sources: 0446576859