(Copied in entirety with permission from Julie Carter Cowgirl Sass & Savvy, dated Monday 17 March 2008. (Ruidoso News) Thanks, Julie! Yes, it’s all for fun.)
Never did I think I’d know anybody personally that would sign up for a “perfect match” on eHarmony, let alone have the outfit tell them, “Sorry, no can do.” However, the news of the rejection was made public this week.
After much sport at the expense of the rejected lad, I pondered the situation further.
I’m not sure what kind of questions an online dating service asks, but if truth is forthcoming, I suppose there are a number of folks with traits that make them unmatchable.
Cowboys, as a rule, most definitely have some traits that make them charming characters but not always desirable as a keeper.
While having skills that mark them “cowboy,” they often don’t have much finesse in other trades.
For example, there is Billy.
Billy had gone to the Texas Panhandle to work in one of the feedlots. As it does in that part of country, the winter got much too cold for him (and anybody else in their right mind to be horseback riding cattle pens.)
He recalled his grandmothers fondness for warmth and that she liked it in the old folk’s home where they keep it about 85 degrees all day.
So he went to the local old folks home and got a job as the maintenance man. He didn’t know anything about maintenance beyond how to fix floats on cattle waters but that didn’t slow him down.
There were a few incidents, but the old folk’s home didn’t actually fire him until somebody flushed a toilet and the lights went out. Billy is now back home in south Texas.
A prospective date might scowl at the fact that Billy’s rope horse, Hombre, is his drinking buddy. Hombre is about 30 years old but Billy figures he only has to run about five seconds at a time so he continues to use him in the roping arena. Hombre can hold his liquor a little better than Billy but it might simply be that relative to his size, he doesn’t get quite the load.
The recent eHarmony reject received a follow up letter from eHarmony explaining some of their issues for dismissal. In part it read:
A guy in a skirt is not attractive, even if you call it a kilt in reference to whatever it is you wanna-be Scottish boys wear when you want a breeze around parts usually covered by Wrangler.
The picture of you with the potato in your pants was a new wrinkle for us. We weren’t sure what you intended by the location of said spud, but we advise that in the front instead of the back would provide a more suggestive appearance.
The pickup line, ‘Hey Baby! Want some of this?’ went out years ago. In fact, it was never in.
In reference to your last date, there is the reminder that if you holler ‘put out or walk,’ you should be in your own vehicle.
We do think there is someone out there for you. Our suggestion is a mail order bride from Russia with a mustache who has never met you prior to the nuptials.
Thank you so much for the application. We will frame it and keep it as a reminder that we were wrong. We can’t help everyone.
I’m thinking that most eHarmony rejects will resort to the old-fashioned way of picking up girls – buying them a beer at last call just before closing time.
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